Somewhere in the Middle

Focus

For the past week and a half I've been completely consumed with learning the technical side of photography. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with all these terms... F stop, aperture, metering, RAW images. And don't even get me started on lenses, filters, external flashes and the other million things out there to improve the quality of your photos. I can easily get carried away. But I need to focus. Take baby steps.

For years, I've had a love/hate relationship with my digital cameras. Sometimes I'd get these amazing shots while other times I'd wind up with dark, blurry photos. Very frustrating when you don't truly understand what you're doing wrong. Of course I could try to read my manual but it always puts me to sleep and doesn't explain in what situations to use the various manual modes. Playing with these settings and getting inconsistent results is becoming a tired, old game. And now that I upgraded my camera I'm ready to learn and experiment and develop a loving relationship with my new Canon.

So... I decided to finally sign up for a photography class. I originally signed up for a class in Brussels but when it was canceled I started to research online courses. After comparing various photography sites, I decided to go with BetterPhoto. The selection of classes is amazing! It took me days to decide on a class & instructor. In the end, I decided on an 8 week Introductory Digital SLR class. The course focuses on getting a good grasp of the manual settings and it also includes weekly assignments, Q & A with the instructor and other students, and critiques on your photos. I'm excited. My class starts Wednesday.

The Photograph

Capturing life through photographs is what I love to do. I have a handful of photos that are truly special to me. Out of the thousands of photos I take though why are these photos special? Sometimes it's as simple as a smile or beautiful lighting while other times it's the story behind the photo that makes it priceless to me. These photos are like time capsules documenting my life.

This photo here is particularly special to me. It's the first time it made me think about photography as more than a hobby.

This photo put a little seed in my head that just maybe I could become a professional photographer. Don't we hear it all the time how you should do something you love? Why not me. This is what I love. I have a lot to learn but I'm excited and scared about the possibilities. Since I arrived in Belgium I've been thinking about this a lot. And I think I'm finally ready to take some serious steps forward and see where my love for capturing life will take me. Wish me luck. ;)

Finding my Passion

When I started exploring this topic the first thing that came to mind were the people/things I love... Family. Friends. Music. Food. My life would be incredibly empty without my loving family & friends. Music surrounds me every possible moment... I can't imagine my life without it. It stirs up all kinds of emotions. And of course there is food... the kind that makes me close my eyes and wonder how anything could be this delicious.

But upon further reflection, I realized there are so many other emotions associated with passion. Feeling passionate involves excitement, anger, and inspiration. Passion has a way of moving you in powerful ways. So I decided to dig deeper and explore what I felt internally passionate about.

In my search I found this post on passion in which Kamsin says... "it's the thing that brings you great pleasure, the thing that makes you feel alive, that you pursue wholeheartedly and is often the main focus of your life, or certainly your thought life. We long to live our passion and not have to settle for second best."

What in my life could bring about this range of emotions? Photography & Travel. Yes, these are my constant passions.

Photography is definitely my passion. I capture moments in my life through a camera lens all the time. I'm obsessed with my camera. Taking photos brings me a happiness like no other. I love chronicling our lives through photography. I love it when I take a photo that I truly love... one that evokes a range of emotions and inspires me to capture more in life. Yet my passion for photography also brings feelings of disappointment and fear. Disappointment when I don't get the results I desire. And fear when I start thinking about the possibilities of making photography a career. Inevitably doubts crept into my plan and I let obstacles get in the way of doing something I desperately crave. Do I really have what it takes to do this? Could I really make a living taking photos? Would I regret not trying? Pursing my passion is a topic I'm really exploring right now. I just need to find the strength and pursue my passion wholeheartedly.

Traveling also brings me great pleasure. I feel excitement when I think about the travel opportunities I've experienced and the ones that still await me. Life with S enhances this passion. Without him I'm not so sure I would be experiencing life abroad. When we're traveling and we're in the moment I'm overwhelmed with the beauty our world offers. Just the other day I went to buy flowers at the city centre and I stopped for a few minutes. Taking in the beautiful European architecture, the cafes bustling with people enjoying their coffee, vendors selling beautiful flowers, and watching people pass me by I realized I'm living my passion for travel. I stood there for a moment and thought, "Wow. I can't believe this is my life. Thank you God for letting me experience this."

Can Night Owls Love to Sleep?

For as long as I can remember I have always been a night owl. I LOVE to stay up late. During my slumber party days I was usually the last one to fall asleep. Late in the night was when things got really interesting... playing tricks on those poor souls that fell asleep early, sneaking out of the house and just being silly. In college, I spent countless sleepless nights studying and writing papers. During the wee hours of the night was when I wrote my best papers. The night seem to bring out those creative juices that made the words flow so easily. Late at night is when I've had the most memorable & intimate conversations with friends & loved ones. Those conversations seem to transform a casual relationship into something much deeper taking it to the next level. The darkness brings an openness that isn't available during the day. We feel free to share our most inner thoughts and dreams. The night helps me feel more creative and relaxed. It brings a solitude I crave.

Now that being said I also love to sleep. I don't need a lot really... but if I have a sleepless night or sleep less than 5 hrs. I can become wicked cranky. It's not pretty.

It wasn't until I had Lil' C that I realized how important sleep is. Sure I had heard how sleep deprivation was a common form of torture. The KGB & Japanese often used this tactic in the POW camps in World War II to obtain important information. But until you've actually experienced sleep deprivation night after night do you truly understand how effective this tactic can be. Let me tell you during those first few months of giving birth I would have given away all my secrets for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep! lol!! I can remember S coming home from work one day, grabbing his shirt, and desperately saying, "I need to SLEEP!!" We laugh about it now but it wasn't that funny during those first few months.

Now that Lil' C sleeps through the night I've gone back to my old ways of being a night owl. But lately, I wake up with bags under my eyes or dark circles. Is it just my imagination? or is it a result of getting older or maybe not sleeping a full 8 hrs? So... I'm now trying my best to go to sleep earlier and get more rest. But I'll tell you it's tough for this night owl who misses those solitary, creative late nights.

Dust Bunnies & Me

Ok, I'll admit it...I hate cleaning my house. Keeping my house organized is not a problem but mopping, cleaning bathrooms, dusting...ugh.. I absolutely despise it! . An organized house at least seems cleans but when you have gigantic dust bunnies blowing around well... those are a little difficult to hide.  And because I hate the heavy duty cleaning it rarely gets done. S is a total neat freak so when he just can't stand it any longer he takes matters into his own hands and cleans the house himself. Of course this makes me feel totally guilty. But I also feel a little weird hiring someone to clean my house when technically I do have the time since I don't work. I should have no excuses. Right? But why clean when you could be doing something fun.

Almost all my friends have cleaning ladies in fact one of my friends has her cleaning lady iron all of her laundry and clean her windows. So I've decided to come to terms with the fact that if I'm not going to do it I might as well hire someone so S can live happily in a dust bunny free home.

The woman who arrived this morning speaks only French so communicating with her is interesting. It feels totally weird having someone in your house clean while you're home doing other things. She cleaned for 5 hrs and my house is now immaculate! I love it!! I can definitely get used to this!! There was no guilt involved when I booked my next appointment. ;)

On the Road to Recovery...

Yesterday, S told me, "Do you realize you've been sick everyday this year?" 

I know can you believe that!"

My lingering cold has been with me since Christmas. I almost forgot what it's like to be healthy. The doctor I saw 3 weeks ago gave me Robitussin and a nasal spray and told me I'd feel better in about a week or so. Last week my cough was still going strong and I didn't think I'd ever feel better. Could this get any worse?! Yes!! Last week Lil' C came home from school with a fever and the next morning I woke up with a 102 fever! I thought about making an appointment with the doctor but thought it would be a waste of time. I mean I can self medicate myself to get my fever down. The problem was the fever continued for about 4 days despite regular doses of Tylenol. And on Saturday I started to feel pressure behind my eyes! Great! Another symptom! I was so sad too because I had plans to go to V-grrrl's Birthday party in Antwerp and I had to cancel. Usually a normal cold doesn't keep this party girl home but I just knew I'd be in worst shape if I went. Plus, I didn't want anyone getting this horrible lingering cold.

Monday I woke up with super puffy eyes and dark pillow cases under my eyes! I look like I was dying! Luckily, Lil' C and I woke up late so I missed the whole school crowd. When I picked Lil' C from school I started talking with one of my friends and I mentioned I saw a doctor a few weeks ago. She asked me, "Who did you see?" When I told her she told me he was an Ophthalmologist but that he sees cases that would normally go to a Family Practitioner. An Ophthalmologist! What?! Argh! I understand an Ophthalmologist is an MD but at least disclose that information and let ME decide if I want to see an Ophthalmologist for my cold.

Last night, I talked to my girlfriend and told her, "If the doctor doesn't prescribe some type of antibiotic tomorrow you're going to hear me scream all the way in New Jersey!"  I know when I'm really sick and antibiotics are the only way to kill certain infections.

My appointment with the doctor (a different one this time) went well.  He ordered a chest x-ray and ruled out pneumonia but diagnosed me with a bronchial & sinus infection. When he said he was going to prescribe some antibiotics I almost started smiling because I knew it was what I needed to get better but I quickly caught myself. I didn't want the doctor to say, "Why are you smiling?? On second thought.. let me give you some more Robitussin and come back next week." Getting doctors to prescribe antibiotics is almost impossible these days! I think it's easier to get illegal drugs than it is to get antibiotics.

After my appointment, I called Steve and joked, "I scored some antibiotics!!" I immediately took my medicine when I got home and I already feel like I'm on the road to recovery. ;)

Me + Red

I'm not sure if it's because Valentine's Day is right around the corner but I've found myself drawn to red things lately. Last week I bought myself a red ski jacket and this week I purchased these fun pieces from Etsy. The first one is an original letterpress print, followed by a set of personalized stationery with all three of our names. These will come in handy for thank you cards next Christmas. And to the right is an original collage piece.

Look what came in the mail...

It's the issue of Scrapbooking Memories where my "Now & Then" layout was published. So exciting to see my layout in an actual magazine! Plus, the little blurb about how living in Belgium has impacted my scrapbooking is very cool too! Looks like I can cross off #10 on my Mondo Beyondo List. ;)

Busy Bee says...

Yes, I'm here! Things have just been crazy busy since my parents left. Every day I have good intentions of writing but lately I find myself easily distracted.  Plus, S & I rented the last season of "Six Feet Under" and wow it was so good!!! We were completely addicted.  I'm a bit sad it's over.

Without any more "Six Feet Under" episodes to watch tonight I finally made Lil'C's birthday invites. It's a simple design but I'm really happy with the results.

When I asked him what he wanted as his theme I almost screamed with joy when he said he wanted a Halloween party! Yes! For those of you who know me, you know I just LOVE Halloween!! I always thought it would be so much fun to have a Halloween baby. When my OB told me Lil' C's due date was Oct. 7th the first thing that went through my mind was..."That date is too early for a Halloween birthday party." lol! Somehow Lil'C felt the same way and he was two weeks late. And this year he decided all by himself that Halloween would be his theme. :)

Immediately, I got to work and ordered all kinds of Halloween goodies. And look what came in the mail last week! Fun stuff!!

Joining the Hug Movement

Several months ago I read about the Hug Campaign on V-Grrrl's blog. I just love the simple concept behind this movement... giving people hope and love, connecting with your community and making people happy. Every time I watch the video it brings up all kinds of happy emotions.

Well..today I had the opportunity to give out some hugs in Brussels with V-Grrrl and about a dozen other people. While the experience was awesome I have to admit I was a bit nervous. Hugging complete strangers is definitely out of my comfort zone. As V-grrrl and I took the metro downtown we laughed a lot about the experience that awaited us. We joked about how her sign said "Free Hugs" while mine said "Free Hug". Then all of a sudden I started to look at the people on the metro and I got really nervous. These were potentially the people I would be hugging! Of course, V-Grrrl made me laugh some more when we joked about creating a Hugging application process. lol!!

Giving people hugs felt good. Watching people walk away with big smiles and making them feel happy completely made my day. I hugged a variety of people of all ages. I even met a friendly couple from Philly and I can't leave out the flirt who thought hugging below the waist was ok. I guess there's always one in the crowd. A few people  thanked me for the hug and told me how happy they felt (at least that's the french translation V-grrrl gave me). lol!

One couple asked me why I was giving out free hugs. My answer... to make people happy, show them there is love in the world and that people really do care even if we are strangers. Aren't these basic needs we all desire.